F is for: Facts

Couldn't get in the mindset to write something creative, uplifting, funny, etc....so I am jsut gonna give you some facts about myself. :)

1. I was brought back to life twice at the age of 2

2. My greatest fears are snakes, spiders, failure, and death

3. I am an adoptive mom of two beautiful children

4. I failed my driving test once before I passed

5. Some of my biggest pet peeves are: hearing people chew, when people lick their fingers, when lights are left on, anything sticky, when phones become more important that interacting with people, etc...

6. Some of my favorite things: lines in the carpet after vacuuming, Plexus, warm bubble baths, jordan almonds, pedicures, sunsets, sand between my toes, the Gaither's (yes, I know I am only 29 :) ), the color red, a new outfit, banana bread, flannel sheets, strawberry limeade's, Christmas, tanning, a soft blanket, etc...

7. I have always wanted to go to Hawaii

8. Two of my biggest dreams are to open a homeless shelter and to write a children's book about adoption

9. I have always wanted 4-6 kids

10. I have always wanted to jump in a pool of either spaghetti or Jell-O :)

11. Some of my favorite movies are: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...Bridesmaids...Dirty Dancing...What's Eating Gilbert Grape....Sound of Music....Saving Mr. Banks......Titanic.....Pollyanna....League of their Own

12. I have a scar on my forehead from when my childhood friend, Kelly, pushed me down the stairs

13. I have to sleep with a fan on

14. I get scared when I am at home alone

15. I love to cook/bake

Well, that's it for now....time for bed!!!

E is for : Ecuador

Last summer, I had the opportunity to go on a missions trip to Ecuador. We did a variety of things during that week, and we had a wonderful time. One part of the trip though will forever be etched in my mind and on my heart. We drove to a little countryside town with people who had welcoming smiles and giving hands but poor ways of living and empty hearts. They needed Jesus.

I will never forget the day, that I was standing in a muddy field with the rain pouring down....overlooking the mountains and valleys of the town. There I stood, with a woman who didn't have much but wanted to hear how Jesus would be all that she would need. As the raindrops ran down my face, so did the tears...watching her pray and accept Jesus as her very own personal Savior. It was in that moment that I realized that I probably would never see her again on earth, but I would see her in Heaven. I learned a lot that day. I learned that my wants are hardly ever my needs. I learned that I what I have, some people pray for those things everyday. I was reminded that Jesus is all I need. I learned that my heart needs more compassion for people.

That week, God opened my eyes and softened my heart. Some days I feel like what I do doesn't matter. Some days I feel like my days are the same thing day in and day out. But it was in that week that God reminded me that what I do everyday IS important and those things DO matter because He has CALLED me to me a mom. Those little things that go unnoticed, and those diaper changes, and song after song, and load of laundry after load of laundry....it does matter. God notices and He appreciates and loves me.

D is for : Dad

There is something special about the relationship between a daughter and her dad. Unfortunately, not everyone gets to experience it. Some girls grow up without a father present. Some girls grow up with their dad present, but live in fear. I am very thankful that I was raised in a home with both parents present. My dad was and still is a hard worker. He always had my back. He always supported me. He always believed in me. Most importantly, he always loved me.

When there is love, there is discipline. I remember several times that I got in trouble with dad. I knew that if I got in trouble at school, then I would always get in trouble at home. I remember getting in trouble for getting into mom's makeup with a friend, and getting caught. I hurriedly tried to scrub the lipstick off her face and in the process, knocked her front tooth out. Or the time that I pushed my sister into the creek that was by our house. Or the time he caught me making out.......
Alright...enough of that.....How about some good memories....


My dad was always so creative during my childhood. He would put cotton on a glass at Christmas time to make us believe that Santa had really been there and drank the milk and ate the cookies. Dad always made sure our cars for the Awana Grand Prix were always perfectly greased and looked pretty awesome. He has always been a really great April Fools prankster too. If one of my toys broke, he would find a way to fix it. When I was little, we would color together and I would be amazed at his mad coloring skills. He also would draw different basketball jerseys and color them and I would cut them out and glue them in a book. Dad was always a good cook, and rarely used a recipe.

Dad has always loved my mom. They had their times of arguments and stressful times, but they would always make it through. They never gave up, and they never threw in the towel. I remember our family had a burgundy Buick and my sister and I would ride in the back. Sometimes, dad would put his arm under my mom's on the armrest. I loved that as a little kid. In that moment, I knew things were okay. In that moment, I felt safe. My parents made sacrifices. My parents made it through some pretty hard struggles. I am thankful for the love that my dad has for my mom.

I am thankful that I can cry in front of my dad, and I am thankful that I can laugh with him. We have had some pretty great laughs over the years. However, my dad is not really a man of many words. As I thought about what thing I cherish most from my dad...it would be what he put in cards. Whether it was a birthday card, or a Valentine's card, or a "thinking of you" card while I was in college...his little messages spoke volumes. I always looked forward to reading my cards because I knew that I could count on my dad's words to make me teary.

Dad, thank you for loving me unconditionally, having my back, being one of my biggest fans, and for loving my mom. Always, your little girl!

"A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart."

C is for : Chaos

If you were to drive by our house, you would find a quaint little farm house sitting just on the edge of the country. Cows roaming in the grass on one side, and our church on the other. You will often find me sitting on the porch swing when the weather is nice. You will see inviting lighted candles in each window at night. In the spring you will find brightly colored flowers planted in the flower beds and colorful flowers hanging from the porch. At first glance, things might seem peaceful and calm. 

If you were to step inside our home, you would find something very different. Chaos. Chaos from sun up to sun down. Changing diapers, load after load of laundry, washing dishes left from 2 nights before, breaking up childish fights, planning meals, telling our 4 year old to stop holding the dog by her neck, telling our son to quit picking his nose, reminding the kids to pick up their toys if they want to get something else out, yelling at Kagon not to put crayons up his nose, and the list goes on and on. Some days are LOOOONNNNNGGGG. Some days bring me to tears. Some days I just want to close my bedroom door, blare my music, and not come out until the next day. But, even in the midst of those long and tiresome days, God sends along little reminders that He is with me and what I am doing matters. Whether it be a text message or a facebook message from someone just checking on me, or a brief moment when I can belly laugh with my kids over something silly, or something as simple as sunshine after such a long dreary winter. 

See, in the midst of all this chaos that I call life, I am still able to look into my kids' eyes and tell them I love them and mean it. Even after long days of dirty diapers, messy faces, a puppy and cat chasing each other in laps around the house, dinners that burn, a son that pops Barbie heads off to make his sister mad, a 4 year old little girl that sometimes thinks she runs the roost....I can breathe a sigh of relief around 8:00 pm because I know that I made it through another day. Everyone is tucked into bed, prayers were said, songs were sung, foreheads were kissed....all to get ready to do it all over again the next day. The chaos in my life will not always be here. My chaos will turn into silence soon enough. When my house is empty, I will wish my chaos back. 

So, if you drive by and the flowers are blooming and the candles are lit...know that inside that front door, life if happening. I might still be in my pajamas at noon, and there may be dishes in the sink from two nights ago, and there may be dirty clothes all over the floors, and the dog may be hanging by the neck in the little hands of a four year old, and the house may smell like one big poopy diaper. But, I assure you that every boo boo is getting kissed, every tear is wiped away, every little belly is getting full, stories are being read, songs are being sung, movies are being watched, nails are being painted, dress up clothes are being worn, adoption stories are being told, and my kids hear I love you's. Some days my chaos is overwhelming. Some days my chaos literally brings me to my knees because I can't do it anymore. Some days my chaos leaves me absolutely exhausted. But when I am still swinging on my porch swing and I have nothing more than memories of little feet and and little fingerprints on "just cleaned glass," I will miss my chaos. So for now, I will live in the moment. My chaos is a gift. The days are long but the years are short. 

B is for : Best Friend-

I believe that your life isn't complete until you have a best friend in it. Today, I am thankful for mine. We were close friends in high school, but after I graduated and got married, we didn't really talk anymore. About 11 years went by. In those 11 years, we would have small talk here and there on Facebook but that was about it. Last Spring, I purchased a membership to Planet Fitness. As you know, it is never that fun to work out by yourself. So, I knew she had a membership so I facebooked her and asked if she wanted to meet me there to workout. We met there and it was awkward. We hadn't seen each other in such a long time. We didn't really know who each other was anymore. We left the gym, went our separate ways, and I thought to myself..."Well that was nice, but I doubt if this friendship thing will bloom again." A little bit later we went to the gym again and then spent about 2 hours at Steak 'N' Shake. We talked, laughed, and caught each other up on our lives.

As I think back on the past year (almost), I think about all the fun things we have done. Gym workouts, vacation to Virginia, pool times, drive in movies, State Fair, Indians Game, comedy shows, church, and the list goes on and on. She has become part of our family almost. She loves and cares about my kids and my kids love her. We have plenty of times that we are silly and goofy doing fun things, but another part of the friendship that I am thankful for is that we can have serious conversations too. We have had many deep conversations about our beliefs, God, and life in general. She has seen me cry ugly tears, she has seen my mood swings, she was there for me when I said goodbye to my dreams and had a hysterectomy, she has seen me embarrass myself, she has seen me embarrass her, she has watched me search, she has seen me disappointed, she has seen me angry. She has seen me in my valleys and she has seen me on my mountaintops. She prays for me, she cares about me, and she is there for me no matter what. We fight and there are times that we drive each other crazy. But, it all comes out in the wash. If you don't have a friend like this...go find one!

Thanks Alyssa for the fun, laughter, lessons, and memories! So thankful for you and what our friendship means to me!

"A good friend knows all your best stories but a best friend has lived them with you."

A is for: Adoption

I could not think of a better word to write about than something that is a huge part of my story. Adoption. Adoption is a journey. Adoption involves roller coaster emotions and is definitely not for the faint of heart. When I look at my two kids, I remember what they survived. I remember that God saved them so I could be their mommy. My children are 4 and 3 and they are just now starting to become interested in their adoption story. I have had some pretty neat conversations with them in the past week. The fact that they are adopted has never been a secret and it has never been something that we were afraid to talk to them about. When I think about their stories, it brings tears to my eyes. Out of all the women in the world....God picked ME, an ordinary person living in flat-land Indiana, to be their mom. What a privilege! Some days are long and some days I want to pull my hair out, but at the end of the day, when we are saying our goodnight prayers and singing our bedtime songs, and their hand reaches for mine or their puckered lips kiss me goodnight, it makes all the tough times worth it.

Adoption is the perfect picture of what Christ did for me and for you. I cannot imagine where I would be without Him. I can't imagine what kind of life I would be living. But, His love was so great for me that He saved me from a life that could have been nothing short of a disaster. For that, I am thankful.

"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still MIRACULOUSLY my own. Never forget for a single minute: you didn't grow under my heart but in it."

Dear Eli...

Dear Eli,
Five years have passed. Five years ago I picked up the phone to hear a lady on the other end telling me we were chosen to be your parents. I remember sitting in the car alone, bawling my eyes out. You see, my heart longed to be a mommy ever since I was a little girl. I had a dream, and in that moment in the car, my dream had just become a reality. It was a Wednesday, and we were told that we would get to pick you up on Friday morning. My mind began racing...we had NOTHING. That night we went shopping for bottles, blankies, a carseat/stroller, diapers, toys, clothes, pacifiers, a monitor, and and every other thing we could think of that you could possibly need. My mind began wondering if I could be the mother to you that you deserved. Could I possibly love a child that did not grow inside of me for nine months? Would you and me create a special bond as a mother and son? Would you love me back? In the midst of the chaos, fears, anxiety, and excitement, I began praying that I would be able to raise you to want to make Jesus your very own Lord and Savior.

Well, that morning came. I didn't get much sleep the night before. I wondered what you would look like and what you would be wearing and how you would smell and how you would feel snuggled in my arms. We put your carseat in the car, and the packed diaper bag, and off we went. It was a quiet ride. I think our minds were thinking different thoughts, but our hearts were experiencing the same excitement and nervousness. We pulled in, got the carseat and diaper bag out, walked into the building and got on the elevator. We were met with hugs from social workers with happy tears running down their faces. They escorted us to a room to wait for you to arrive.

Minutes seemed like hours. Finally we saw the door open, and walking through the door was a woman carrying a little baby boy, dressed in khaki overalls with little blue shoes on. My heart skipped a beat. The lady asked me if I wanted to hold you and of course I said yes! I put out my arms and took you from hers, and instantly the tears began to flow. All the years of praying for a child, and in that moment, the answer to my prayers was put in my arms. I wasn't sure if my tears were going to stop, but I just basked in that moment. Pictures were being taken, papers were needing signed, instructions were being given...but I didn't care. For all I knew, it was just you and me in that room, looking into each others eyes and realizing that I didn't know what in the world I was doing, but that I would figure it out as we went.

That first day and night were pretty hard. You were getting used to a new place, and I was getting used to the whole mommy thing. Most mommy's have 9 months to prepare...we had 1 day. So forgive me if I wasn't an expert. Forgive me if I didn't know what you wanted. Forgive me if I didn't hold you close enough to drive away your little fears. At the end of our first day, you finally fell asleep. I put you down in your crib, and I prayed over you. This was my prayer...

" Lord, I am so thankful for this little baby boy that you have given us. My years of prayers have been answered. I pray that as he grows up, He will search you and know you and make you the Lord of His life. Lord, I give Eli back to you to use as you would see fit. Thank you so much for placing him in our lives. Amen"

The days got better, the bond between me and you was becoming something so wonderful, and I was enjoying being able to stay home with you. I began thinking about Christmas time and how it would be so wonderful to adopt you around the holidays and how special that would be. Little did I know, the words that I prayed to God the first night we had you, would become literal. See, what I didn't know was, God would literally take you back three short weeks later. 

I remember that day as if it just happened yesterday. I remember being in the fetal position on the ground crying. I remember hitting your daddy's chest, yelling at him to go bring you back. I remember my mom just holding me and letting me moan and yell and sob. From that day on, my days were dark and gloomy.Most days, I didn't think I could go on. There were nights where I would hear you cry, only to run in your room and find an empty crib. There were many times where I would go throw myself on the floor in your bright blue planes and trains nursery, screaming at God. There were times that I would frantically go through your closet searching for something you recently wore, just to smell your scent again. There were days when I had to close your nursery door so I could close out the memory I had of you, even if just for a few minutes. I yearned to have you back in my arms. I wanted so badly to get you out of bed one more time or to have you fall asleep on my chest as I sang you 'Jesus Loves Me.' I wanted to be able to hold you close one last time. It was all taken so quickly. 

Those questions that I asked myself in the beginning...they were answered the moment I met you and held you in my arms. Could I love a child who I did not carry for nine months? Absolutely! I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you! Could we have a special bond? YES! We did have such a special bond. I did my absolute best with you. So, if I did my best and loved you with such an unconditional love, and held you when you cried and put you in God's hands...why did He take you back? Why did He place the answer to my prayers in my arms, then snatch it away in just three short weeks? For years, I was mad at God. The guilt I had in my heart was overwhelming at times. Five years later, and I have tears running down my face as I write this. I still don't understand why, but this is what I do know....

Eli, I loved you from the moment I saw you and today, five years later..I still love you with all of my heart. I sit and wonder what it would be like to watch you play with Lina'e and Kagon and what fun you would bring into our lives. I think about you daily. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.  Eli, this mother's heart will love you until the day that I die, but I must move on. God gave you to us for just a short while, but I have to trust that that was God's plan for all of us. I cannot keep trying to change the past and wonder about all the what if's. I am so thankful for the sleepless nights I stayed awake with you singing to you, praying over you, talking to you, and even crying over you. I am so thankful for your smiles, laughs, and little wet sloppy kisses. Those are the things that will last forever in my heart. That first night, I put you in the hands of the One that holds all of my tomorrows, and there is no greater place to leave you, my sweet sweet boy. I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Packing and Laying My Dreams at His Feet....

Almost two years ago, I remember the excitement of taking a trip to Disney World. I had a "Mickey Countdown" on our wall, I was pinning things like crazy on Pinterest, buying new clothes for me and cute little Disney clothes for the kids. I had envisioned this trip for awhile and I had dreamed for so long to get to take the kids there. I imagined their faces lighting up when they saw Tinker Bell for the first time and Mickey and Minnie right in front of their eyes. The trip was finally here after counting down for months. A week before we left, I began writing lists. What to do before we left list, what to buy before we leave list, what to take list, etc. I began laying out everyone's clothes, shoes, toys, bathing suits, movies, snacks, diapers, wipes, blankies, stuffed animals, and the list goes on. A couple days before I started packing it all up in different suitcases. The time had come and we were off. HOURS later we arrived at our hotel. We checked in, and the first thing I do on vacation is unpack everything and find a place for everything. I unpacked every single flip flop, diaper, bathing suit, sand buckets, shovels, etc. Finally I had everything unpacked and vacation was ready to start!

Here I sit tonight in the peace and quiet of my home, wrapped in a blanket...pj's on, and listening to the whirling sound of fans and lullaby music playing in the kids' rooms. Everyone is fast asleep and I am here, with tears streaming down my face. Tonight, I am packing for something different. Since I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to be was a mommy. I dreamed of having a life grow inside of me. I dreamed of feeling little kicks and little hiccups from inside me. I dreamed of watching my belly grow and hearing a little one's heartbeat. I always just assumed that life would happen how I imagined it happening. Growing up, getting married, getting pregnant, and having a family. It sounded so simple to me growing up. But nobody tells you that life doesn't always turn out like we plan. Life isn't always perfect. Life sometimes deals us a hand that we never saw coming. Sometimes life seems unfair and cruel.

Almost 4 years ago, a little baby girl entered this world. A little 5 lb. 14 oz baby girl entered this world struggling to breathe on her own and with abnormal heart rhythms. See, this baby was a miracle. She shouldn't have been alive but she was. She was alive because God saved her. He saved her for a woman who so desperately wanted a child. He saved her so that I could be her mom. On January 31st, 2011, Lina'e Ashley Addisyn became my daughter for good. She was so tiny and I had so much fun dressing her up and showing her off. I was so proud of her, She was the light of my life. Almost exactly one year later, I remember stepping foot into the delivery room and watch such a brave woman deliver a beautiful baby boy. I remember cutting the cord and hearing the words, "Give him to his mom." Before I knew it, here I was holding a little 5 lb baby boy in my arms. See, this baby was a miracle too. His birthmom had paid for an abortion and walked out after hearing his heartbeat. Her words...."I just felt like someone was praying for this baby." November 2nd, 2012, Kagon Zachariah became my son for good. Forever. This was God's plan for me. This was God's plan to make me a mom. Adoption.

In exactly one week, I will travel to the hospital and undergo surgery, a complete hysterectomy. This surgery may not mean the same thing to all women. But to a 29 year old woman, this is devastating. This is permanent. This cannot be changed. This is forever.I will never experience the moment of seeing two lines on a pregnancy test. I will never experience morning sickness. It is something to grieve. I am grieving the loss of a dream. Does this mean I do not love my children? NO! Does this mean I am not thankful for my children? NO! I love my children with all my heart. I would take a bullet for them in a heartbeat. But  something that I have tried to control for years, is being taken...for good, and I believe that I can grieve.

Bearing a child was not in God's plan for my life. Years later I am coming to grips with this. God didn't change His plans for me last month. He didn't change His plans for me a year ago. God's plan for me has been the same since I was created. He wanted me to create a family through adoption, and through adoption, I am a mom of two adorable little children. Tonight, as I reflect on what this next week means for me, I am slowly packing some dreams. Packing something usually involves unpacking them at some time. However, the dreams, anxieties, fears, anger, and questions that I am packing away cannot be unpacked. As I pack each thing away, my "suitcase" is becoming more full....to the point where I will eventually have to zip it up, and walk it to where it belongs. Next Thursday morning, I will walk my suitcase full of anxieties, fears, some anger, my questions, and my dream of carrying a child to the throne. I will shed some tears, and simply lay my luggage at Jesus' feet. It is there where I will leave my luggage for good.

I pray that in the future, God will bring people into my path, who I can share with and who I can relate with and who I can encourage. I pray that I can be an encouragement to someone down the road who is going through something similar. I pray that my struggles and my weaknesses point back to Christ and that my journey gives God all the glory. As you finish reading this, I ask that you pray for the ones that are waiting and praying for a child. I ask that you never feel guilty for having the ability to carry a child because you have the right to experience that joy and happiness. I ask that you never ever take the ability to carry a child for granted.

I don't know how God is going to use me in the future. I don't know if God will see fit to bring any more children in my life or not. But this I do know.....I am going to squeeze my babies a little harder tomorrow as I remember that God saved them for me. I am going to love them with all my heart until my time with them runs out. I will remind them always how long I prayed for them and that they were the answers to my prayers. I will always let them know I am proud of them. I will always love them no matter what mistakes they may make. I will always try my hardest to be the best mom possible to them. The next few days as I "pack" and take a walk to the foot of the cross, may I be reminded that God is still good. May I be reminded that HE is my strength. And as I leave my dream at the feet of my Savior, I pray that in that moment my heart can truly say..."The Lord gives, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Wet Glass Bottle

Over the past 2 or 3 weeks, I have either read, heard, or have been reminded of a certain verse. I have read it in my devotions, I have read it in different places on Facebook, I have heard it on the radio. I kept thinking how cool it was to hear and read that verse over and over, but then it dawned on me that God must be wanting to remind me how faithful He is to His children even when it doesn't seem like He is hearing my earnest prayers.

Psalm 56:8  "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

I have heard this verse and read it many times over the years, but when you get married, start your own life and life starts happening, this verse takes on a whole new meaning. The other night I was laying in bed and it was around 1:00 in the morning and I couldn't get to sleep. I had just read this verse on Facebook somewhere that day and I got to thinking about it. I prayed that God would constantly remind me of this verse when hardships come. I then began thinking deeply about this verse. When I see or read this verse, a very clear picture comes to mind. When we lived in Indianapolis, we got all our milk delivered in a cooler on our porch every week. We loved it. The kids loved to watch for the milkman! The milk we got came in glass bottles. Clean, clear glass bottles with a tight lid on them. That is the type of bottle I picture in this verse. I also picture "H-E-A-T-H-E-R" written across it with big bold letters. Yes, of course there are lots of Heather's in the this world, but this bottle with "HEATHER" written across it is mine and God knows. My bottle is getting full. What looks like a bunch of clear (with a little mascara) liquid to me, they look totally different to God. See, God knows exactly what each tear drop in my bottle represents. I don't remember what all I have shed tears over in my 27 years of life, but I do remember some top moments that brought on the tears. God knows which of my tears were shed when I got in trouble as a little girl, or when I sat in the car with mom after I just found out I didn't make the volleyball team, or when I got in a fight with my best friend, or when we got the phone call that my grandma had died, or when I was homesick at camp, or how about when we I saw only 1 line on millions (or so it seemed) of home pregnancy tests, or when we lost our son Eli, or when we thought we were going to lose Lina'e, or that time when I didn't know how we were going to put a meal on the table for our kids. God knows exactly how many tears were shed in those life events and He has recorded them all. My tears are not forgotten. God knows. God remembers.

See, those tears that we cry, are all recorded with God. They are not forgotten. When things in life happen and I feel like God isn't listening or hearing my prayers, He always takes me by the hand and He sits me down. (This is how I envision it in my mind) He finds my glass bottle sitting on one of the many shelves. He gets my bottle down and sits down with me. He takes the lid off and He begins to pour my tears out very slowly. And as He pours out each tear, He reminds me what that tear was for. After He shows me and reminds me of all my tears, He looks at me and says, "Heather, my child, if I know what all of these tears represent, what makes you think that I don't know what you need?" And as I sit in silence with tears flowing down my face, God quietly places them in my bottle.  

Maybe your tears represent something different than mine. Perhaps your tears represent divorce, or the loss of a job, or the loss of a child or spouse, or your house being forclosed on, or losing a pet, or having a miscarriage, or a flat tire on a rainy day, or when your child has gone on a different path than you hoped, or when you are hoping for and waiting on a child. Sometimes our tears seem so silly in a situation, but you know what? God doesn't think they are silly. Tears represent our feelings. God knows our hearts. You have a clear glass bottle with your name written in big, bold letters across it just like I do. Maybe yours is getting full too. God always takes us back to our glass bottles. He reminds us about His faithfulness in all our situations of life. If He knows your tears, and if He knows my tears, then surely He knows our wants and needs. Re-visit your glass bottle, and I am sure you will be reminded once more of God's faithfulness.

S is for SEEK

One of my kids' favorite games to play with mommy and daddy is Hide and Seek. They love to go upstairs and count, and then come down and seek out mom and dad. Sometimes our hiding spots are obvious, and sometimes they have to look beyond the obvious places. The end result is hearing precious belly laughs. We also use the same hiding spots over and over, but they still love the game.

As I think about the simple game of hide and seek, it makes me think....do I enjoy seeking Jesus? Do I seek Him out, excited for the end result? We seem to always seek him in the good times, the obvious times. In the good times, we know that God is good. But, sometimes when tragedy strikes our lives, it isn't so obvious that He is still there. Are we seeking Him in just the obvious, good times when things are going so smoothly? Or are we seeking and finding Him in the mess and storms of life? He doesn't hide from us, He is just simply waiting for us to find Him and seek Him with all our heart. 

R is for Recipes

I LOVE to cook and bake. My dream is to open a diner and serve some good comfort type foods. So for today, I would like to share some of my favorite "go to" recipes. Enjoy! If you are reading this, share one of your favorite recipes!

CHILI:

2 cans of hot chili beans
1 package of chili seasoning
desired amount of macaroni noodles
1.5 pounds of ground beef
1 onion diced
2 cans of diced tomatoes
1 can-full of water
4 tbsp brown sugar
salt and pepper
chili powder
3 tsp minced garlic

*brown hamburger and add onion and garlic
*in separate pan, boil macaroni noodles
*Once hamburger and onion are done, add the rest of ingredients including the macaroni. Stir, heat until warm/hot. Enjoy!


STROMBOLI:

1 pound ground beef
Pepperoni
1 bag shredded cheese
1 onion diced
1 green pepper diced
1 can of pizza dough
butter
garlic powder/salt

*Preheat oven to 400 degrees
* roll out the pizza dough and fill with all ingredients. (you can add whatever pizza toppings you like)
*fold it together in a "roll" and seal the ends.
*brush with melted butter and sprinkle with garlic powder/salt
* bake for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown
* slice and serve with pizza sauce for dipping

HOMEMADE MEAT RUB:

3 TBSP salt
2 TBSP pepper
5 TBSP brown sugar
1 TBSP garlic powder
3 TBSP ground cloves
2 TBSP ground mustard
*mix and rub rub rub
*I have used it on pork chops, steak, roast, chicken, pork loin, etc


CHICKEN CASSEROLE:

4-6 boneless/skinless chicken breast trimmed of the fat
2 cans cream of celery soup
2 cans cream of chicken soup
2 cups of sour cream
1 sleeve of Ritz crackers
1 stick of butter
salt and pepper

*preheat oven to 350 degrees
* cook/boil your chicken breasts
* in a mixing bowl, mix together your soups and sour cream
* in a greased 9x13 pan, lay your chicken down then cover the chicken breasts with the soup mixture.
* crumble the crackers and sprinkle on top
* melt the butter and drizzle all over the top
*sprinkle with salt and pepper
*bake uncovered for 20-25 minutes

PEANUT BUTTER PIE:

1 c. Peanut Butter
1 c. sugar
1 thing of cream cheese
1 large tub of whipped cream
1 chocolate graham cracker crust
1 jar of hot fudge ice cream topping
 

*Beat together the cream cheese and sugar, then add the PB. After beaten well, beat in 3 to 3.5 cups of whipped cream. After smooth, spoon it into the bottom of the crust.
* Put the hot fudge in the microwave until soft. Pour hot fudge on top until the whole top is covered.
* On top of the fudge, spread some whipped cream on top of that. Then drizzle some more melted fudge and some melted peanut butter. Chill, enjoy!

Q is for QUIET

Life is busy. Life is crazy. Life is noisy. Ballgames, recitals, meetings, work, appointments. Days are busy. In the midst of busyness, occasionally we have some down time. Quiet time. This Easter weekend, in the midst of all the egg hunts, meals, time with family and friends.....make time for some quiet. Reflect on what He did for you, for me. I cannot even to begin to fathom His love for me. I don't understand why He died for someone like me, but I am thankful for His eternal gift of salvation. He's ALIVE!

P is for PRETZEL JELLO

If anyone were to ask me what my favorite dessert is...my answer would be the "pretzel jello stuff." Although, most people make it with the strawberry jello and strawberries, I decided to experiment one day and use raspberry jello and raspberries. To our surprise, we loved it sooooo much better. I will never it make it with strawberry jello and strawberries ever again! So, for those of you who have never had it...you are missing out. Give it try, you won't be sorry! The sweet and salty just go so well together. I will share the recipe....

RASPBERRY Pretzel Jello Dessert:

• 2 cups crushed pretzels
• 3/4 c. butter melted
• 3 tbsp. white sugar
• 1 (8oz) package of softened cream cheese
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 (8 oz) container of Cool Whip
• 2 packages (3 oz) RASPBERRY jello
• 2 cups boiling water
• 1 package of frozen RASPBERRIES 

1.  Preheat oven to 400 degrees F 
2.  Stir together crushed pretzels, melted butter and 3 tbsp of sugar. Mix well and press mixture into the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish.
3. Bake 8 to 10 minutes, until set. Set aside to cool.
4.  In a large mixing bowl cream together cream cheese and 1 cup sugar. Fold in whipped topping. Spread mixture onto cooled crust.
5.  Dissolve the jello in boiling water. Stir in the frozen RASPBERRIES. Pour over cream cheese layer and refrigerate until set. 

O is for ODOR

Some of my favorite odors:

THE SMELL OF A NEW BOOK
 A NEW BABY
A NEW PACKAGE OF LUVS DIAPERS
BROWNIES
MR. BUBBLE BUBBLEBATH
FRESH LAUNDRY OUT OF THE DRYER
RAIN
MOWED GRASS
A POOL FLOAT RIGHT OUT OF THE PACKAGE
APPLE PIE
CANDLES
CELERY
ROAST
MY MOM
NEW CAR
LEATHER
CEDAR CLOSETS/CHESTS
RUBBER GLOVES
THE OCEAN
ROSES
COUNTRY CHARM (STORE IN THE MALL)
FRESH BAKED BREAD
HERBAL ESSENCE SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER
MY KIDS AFTER A BATH
COFFEE
VANILLA
FINGERNAIL POLISH REMOVER
PERMANENT MARKERS
PLAY DOUGH
MY BED

****AND THE LIST COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON****

N is for NAILS

NAIL

noun

noun: nail; plural noun: nails

1.

a small metal spike with a broadened flat head, driven typically into wood with a hammer to join things together or to serve as a peg or hook.

When we moved into the house we are in now, there were nail holes everywhere. We patched some, but we also hung pictures, signs, etc in some of the same places. Tonight, as I think about this weekends activities for Easter, I also think about nails. Not the nails in my walls, but the nails that nailed my Savior to a tree. My sin put Him there. He loved me, He loved you so much that He would die for us. Those nails made a difference in my life. Those nails were the pathway for me and you to Heaven. BUT, those nails in his hand and feet....those nails did not keep Him on that tree. He rose three days later. Those nails hung my Savior. Those bloody nails represent love, hope, and Heaven. I hope and pray that this Easter, in the midst of all the food, egg hunts, and time with family and friends...you pause and reflect on why we even celebrate Easter. If you haven't already, I pray that you experience the same hope those nails have given me.

So God Made a MOTHER

And on the 8th day, God looked down on His planned paradise and said, "I need a caretaker." So God made a mother.

God said, "I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, pack lunches, make breakfast, wake the kids, send them off to school, feed the baby, mop the floors, squeeze in a 30 second shower, work all day at home or the office, make supper, bathe the kids, read them a story, put the kids to bed so they can do it all again tomorrow." So God made a mother.

"I need somebody to know when to use tough love but also know when to be tender and compassionate. Somebody to oversee homework, wipe crocodile tears, keep hungry bellies full, put her own needs on the back burner until everyone else is taken care of, and to tell the kids that they are loved---and mean it." So God made a mother.

God said, " I need somebody willing to sit up all night praying for the hurting heart of a child, and watch him cry, then dry his eyes and say, 'God is still good.' I need somebody who can shape a child with encouraging words, praise her husband in the midst of chaos, one who can whip up a dinner out of a box of Bisquick, wash dishes and clean house. Someone who will put in 48 hours by Tuesday morning, with a list a mile long to get done by Friday." So God made a mother.

God had to have somebody willing to multitask at double speed to get everything done by the end of the day, and yet stop in the middle of a task to read Curious George Visits the Zoo to the attention craving child. So God made a mother.

God said, "I need somebody strong enough to discipline and teach lessons yet gentle enough to shed tears when her heart aches, who will stop everything she is doing to tend to a sick child. It had to be somebody who'd raise a child and point that child to Christ. Somebody to encourage, build up, love unconditionally, forgive, and one who would pray without ceasing.

Somebody who'd hold a family together when the going gets tough, who would laugh and cry, and then reply with smiling eyes when her son says he wants to marry someone just like her. ......

SO GOD MADE A MOTHER

L is for LABEL

This past Christmas, I got a label maker as one of my gifts from my sister. I was so excited because I had wanted one for a very long time, just never got around to getting one. I LOVE it! You can ask my husband, I label everything.... from our names on our towel rack, sippy cups, DVD's, etc. I simply love that little machine. Tonight I was in the bathroom and happened to glance at our towel rack. Seeing our names on our towel rack got me thinking. We don't just label items in our home, work, car, etc. We label people.

I myself am guilty on judging and putting labels on people. You might have even experienced being labeled.

"Slut, Irresponsible, Liar, Depressed, Disabled, Horrible Parent, Rebel, Cheater, Addict, Failure, Immature, Selfish, Different, Lazy, Gay, Lesbian, Freak, Nerd, Prep, Hateful, Hot-Head,...."

What if I told you that in God's eyes, you only have one label. In His eyes, He sees His creation. In His eyes, He looks past our failures and bad choices. He died on the cross because of our label. In His eyes, we are simply L-O-V-E-D. That is all. The labels that you have gotten in the past are from sinners just like you. Those labels are from humans just like us. With God, those labels are erased and forgotten. In Him, you are loved. As Easter approaches, this takes on a whole new meaning. Because He loved us so much, He died for us. He endured the worst treatment you can imagine. He carried His cross. Why?? Because we are loved. 

I want to challenge you to do something. I want you to take a few minutes and think back on your life and I want you to write down labels that you have been given over the years. After you write them down, give them to God and exchange those worldly labels for His label. Once you have handed those labels over, rip that paper up, burn it, take a black marker to it....whatever works to show yourself that those labels are GONE! Live like you are loved. Love that you are loved. Point others to that same Love.

J is for JAMMIN'

A couple weeks ago, it was just me and my children in the car. Like many families all over the world right now, music from the movie Frozen plays continuously in the house and car. It was a sunny day but chilly, but it was warm enough in the car where I had the front windows down just a bit, and my kids and I were jammin' to "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" and having lots of fun and giggles. We were coming up on a stoplight and the car next to me had their bass turned up all the way, and our minivan seemed to be vibrating all over the road and shaking. I had a choice right then and there. Do I roll my windows up and prevent a headache OR do I roll my windows down and turn my bass up and blare the "noman (Kagon's way of saying snowman) song?" I went with my second thought. So, I looked over and it was a couple. I smiled at them and they smiled back. I then rolled my windows down all the way, turned my bass up and being the introvert that I am (yeah right) began singing loudly..."Do You Wanna Build a Snowman??" The couple looks over and just busts up laughing and turns their music and bass down. In the meantime, my children were in back covering there ears, poor things. Sometimes, it is worth the risk just to "Let It Go" and have fun. You never know when someone needs some fun and laughter in their lives. You don't have to be serious and a stick in the mud all the time. You only live once. HAVE FUN! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbdqP5dEGz4

I is for INFERTILITY

Infertility -

1. Absent or diminished fertility.

2. The persistent inability to conceive a child.

(WARNING: Something I feel so passionate about and this post may offend)

We got married in August of 2007. We had the same type of plan that most people have before getting hitched. We would enjoy our engagement, then we would get married, then we would start a family, then we would live happily ever after. Shortly after we got married, we learned that our plan was really not happening like we thought it was. I guess I grew up thinking that you got married, then you did "the deed," then you get pregnant. Yeah, not so much. Month after month, year after year nothing was happening. We were devastated. We still have not given up, but right now we are so wonderfully in love with our two precious children that God blessed us with through adoption and focusing on them. If another adoption came up, you betcha we would pursue it! But, right now at this present moment we have two beautiful children sound asleep under our roof.

So what is this post about?? I want you to become more aware about infertility and how greatly it affects all kinds of women around you. It doesn't matter if you are skinny or have extra poundage, eat healthy or unhealthy, tall or short, etc. Infertility affects all types of women. Infertility hurts. Infertility has the potential to tear marriages apart. Infertility can make you feel worthless. Infertility is a dark cloud looming over many women all over the world.

Just being honest, I have a few questions for God when I get to Heaven. (of course when I get there it won't matter anymore because Heaven will be more than I ever could imagine) Why do you allow women that drink, smoke, do drugs, and sleep around to get pregnant? Why do you allow girls/women to get pregnant out of wedlock when a lot of women who "do things the right way" can't get pregnant? Why do you let the girls/women get pregnant who are just going to abort them anyway? The answers to these questions I will probably never know. But, you just gotta wonder....

A few things as I end this post....

1. If you have the wonderful PRIVILEGE of getting pregnant...don't EVER take it for granted
2. Children are a blessing and a lot of hard work. So if you aren't ready for that kind of commitment and responsibility...well...you know how it happens...so....
3. Reach out to those women who are struggling around you. Pray for them, take them under your wing, encourage them
4. Never assume that every woman can get pregnant, got pregnant, will get pregnant
5. If you are pregnant and don't think you are ready for the responsibility of being a parent at this time in your life, please explore your options. A baby is a life. There are many couples and single parents praying for a child. You could make their dream come true.
6. If you are pregnant...remember that there is another innocent life inside of you. Please don't smoke, partake of drugs, or drink. We have seen what that does to babies, and it is one of the hardest things we have ever had to watch.
7. If you have a child/children....love on them, discipline them when necessary, and thank God every single day for them

H is for HAPPY

I am tired tonight, so not much in a writing mood. Check out some photos that make me HAPPY....