And On The 7th Day She Rested

Tuesday, January 7, 2014. Only 7 days into the brand new year, and it seems as if we have had blow after blow already this year. I want to be real with you. I want to be honest. I am not going to sugar coat. Simply put...my heart is heavy, my soul is weary, and I am tired of praying. We ventured out to town today to go to the grocery and to have some lunch as a family. On the way home, we made one more stop and Will ran in. A new song came on the radio. Usually, I don't pay too much attention to the words, but for some reason the words really resonated with me, really sunk it. I try really hard not to let my kids see me cry, so I just buried my face into my scarf and just had a good cry. Will and I heard another "no" today about a job. After so many no's, you get discouraged. I don't understand. It has been almost 5 months. Surely, a yes is coming soon.

Read the lyrics to the song

:"Keep Making Me"

Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

And that is when it hit me. What if God is stripping me down of layers that built up over the past few months that have caused me to lose my focus on Him? What if He is stripping me of everything, so I can hit rock bottom so He can make me new? What if He is stripping me of my control so my only option is to look to Him? What if He is "making me empty so I can be filled?" What if He wants me to simply stop fighting His will and just simply take a deep breath and rest. Right then and there, sitting in our minivan, with my face buried in my scarf.....it all clicked, it all made sense. For 5 or more months, I have been trying to control our future. I have been worried sick about how we are going to have money for birthdays, Christmas, meals, etc. I have lived in fear. I have been grumpy. I have been an angry wife and mom. I have been just going through the motions. I have felt as if I have been wound as tight as I can go. It clicked today. Christ died so that I don't have to carry these burdens. I can actually take these heavy burdens off of my shoulders and hand them over to the One who shed bled for me, the One who gives true peace and rest. I no longer have to carry these with me from sun up to sun down. I can enjoy life, I can enjoy my precious kids, I can enjoy the simple things in life because I am free. 

Close your eyes and imagine with me. Think about a time that you moved into a new place. Think about all those heavy boxes of junk you had to carry in and out. What if you had to carry those all day, every day? Think about the moment when you got to let go of those heavy boxes and put them down. Those represent the burdens that I have let go of and put them down at the feet of my Jesus. I don't have to worry because God is in control. He knows where we are going to end up and what job is the perfect fit for Will. He knows what city is the best fit for our family. He already knows the future. So what do I get to do? Rest. That is it. Five plus months of worrying, fighting, and trying to control everything in our lives has become so tiring. I am tired (literally) of it. In His time, He makes all things beautiful. So I wait, trust, and pray. So on this Tuesday, the 7th day, I rested.