C is for : Chaos

If you were to drive by our house, you would find a quaint little farm house sitting just on the edge of the country. Cows roaming in the grass on one side, and our church on the other. You will often find me sitting on the porch swing when the weather is nice. You will see inviting lighted candles in each window at night. In the spring you will find brightly colored flowers planted in the flower beds and colorful flowers hanging from the porch. At first glance, things might seem peaceful and calm. 

If you were to step inside our home, you would find something very different. Chaos. Chaos from sun up to sun down. Changing diapers, load after load of laundry, washing dishes left from 2 nights before, breaking up childish fights, planning meals, telling our 4 year old to stop holding the dog by her neck, telling our son to quit picking his nose, reminding the kids to pick up their toys if they want to get something else out, yelling at Kagon not to put crayons up his nose, and the list goes on and on. Some days are LOOOONNNNNGGGG. Some days bring me to tears. Some days I just want to close my bedroom door, blare my music, and not come out until the next day. But, even in the midst of those long and tiresome days, God sends along little reminders that He is with me and what I am doing matters. Whether it be a text message or a facebook message from someone just checking on me, or a brief moment when I can belly laugh with my kids over something silly, or something as simple as sunshine after such a long dreary winter. 

See, in the midst of all this chaos that I call life, I am still able to look into my kids' eyes and tell them I love them and mean it. Even after long days of dirty diapers, messy faces, a puppy and cat chasing each other in laps around the house, dinners that burn, a son that pops Barbie heads off to make his sister mad, a 4 year old little girl that sometimes thinks she runs the roost....I can breathe a sigh of relief around 8:00 pm because I know that I made it through another day. Everyone is tucked into bed, prayers were said, songs were sung, foreheads were kissed....all to get ready to do it all over again the next day. The chaos in my life will not always be here. My chaos will turn into silence soon enough. When my house is empty, I will wish my chaos back. 

So, if you drive by and the flowers are blooming and the candles are lit...know that inside that front door, life if happening. I might still be in my pajamas at noon, and there may be dishes in the sink from two nights ago, and there may be dirty clothes all over the floors, and the dog may be hanging by the neck in the little hands of a four year old, and the house may smell like one big poopy diaper. But, I assure you that every boo boo is getting kissed, every tear is wiped away, every little belly is getting full, stories are being read, songs are being sung, movies are being watched, nails are being painted, dress up clothes are being worn, adoption stories are being told, and my kids hear I love you's. Some days my chaos is overwhelming. Some days my chaos literally brings me to my knees because I can't do it anymore. Some days my chaos leaves me absolutely exhausted. But when I am still swinging on my porch swing and I have nothing more than memories of little feet and and little fingerprints on "just cleaned glass," I will miss my chaos. So for now, I will live in the moment. My chaos is a gift. The days are long but the years are short.