G is for GOODNESS

I am kind of in a daze right now. My head is pounding, my nose is stuffy, my throat is scratchy, and I have a little boy who is coughing continuously in his crib losing sleep. This is week #2 of sickness in our home. I am tired, I am worn out, I am frustrated. I absolutely LOVE being a mommy. There is nothing greater. But, I am simply tired of wiping snotty noses, changing yucky anti-biotic poopy diapers, hearing my kids cough terrible coughs, etc. I am ready for all the sickness to leave. Am I whiny? Yes I am, unfortunately. Today I was reminded that there is always someone with worse problems than yourself. As I heard the story of a grandmother losing her twin grandbabies, I was reminded that I may feel miserable, but I am alive and facing another day. I was reminded that my kids may be hackin' and coughin', but they are alive and still bring this momma joy.

I then began to think about the many people in my life whether it be friends or family, that are going through tough seasons in life. Loss of job, loss of loved ones, Cancer, disease, prodigal child, divorce, etc. God brought this verse to me and I thought it was very fitting for this blog post....

Psalm 27:13

"Yet I am confident I will see the LORD's goodness while I am here in the land of the living."

Whatever you may be facing today, tomorrow, or next week....God isn't going to leave you in that dry valley. I promise. Time and time again, I can go back and revisit all those times that I was in the lowest of valley's and God led me to the highest of mountain tops. You learn and lean on God in those times in the valley's. You may not feel like God is good right now. You may feel defeated, bitter, doubtful, or simply just mad at God. Hang in there friend. I promise that you won't be in this valley forever. Soon, you will be able to look down at this valley from your mountaintop. You may be in your valley, but you WILL see the goodness of the Lord again. 

 

F is for FAVORITES

Earlier in this challenge, I was able to write a whole post about things that annoy and bother me. I figured since you all probably think I am this stuck up, snotty person who doesn't put up with squat....I should write a post about things that bring me great joy. I think my list for my favorite things could go on and on and on, but here are just some of the things that bring a smile to my face, whether big or small.

1. My husband
2. My children
3. Family
4. Seeing my phone light up with a text message
5. Getting an email from a long lost friend
6. Getting a handwritten letter in the mail from someone special
7. Animals
8. A home cooked meal
9. Perfecting Jello with no "rubber"
10. Perfecting rice crispy treats with just enough "marshmallowiness"
11. Hearing my children laugh their heartiest belly laugh
12. Keeping up with people on Facebook
13. A nice, hot bubble bath with Mr. Bubble, candles, and music
14. KLove radio station
15. Hearing the perfect song at the moment you need it most
16. Pretzel Jello dessert
17. Freshly washed flannel sheets
18. My down pillow
19. A good, loud, sneeze
20. A rainy day, cuddled with my kids watching a Disney movie
21. Seeing a rainbow
22. Tanning in a tanning bed
23. Grape bubble gum
24. Popping bubble wrap
25. A good hair day
26. The smell of a new book
27. Painted nails
28. Peace and quiet
29. Lines in the carpet after vacuuming 
30. The book of Psalms in the Bible
31. Getting birthday cards in the mail
32. A long, hot shower
33. The show...Parenthood
34. Getting unexpected checks in the mail
35. Primitive decor
36. Disney World
37. Sand between my toes
38. The smell of chlorine on a bathing suit
39. A freshly washed hoodie
40. Camping
41. Bonfires
42. The words cloud and fluff
43. A new outfit
44. A big hug
45. Dates with my hubby
46. Going somewhere by myself for a couple days to just relax and do whatever I want on my time :)
47. Paying off a debt
48. Carmex
49. Vacations

I am sure more will come to mind after I finish this post, but these are most of my obvious ones. Finding pleasure in the simplest things in life is a gift. I challenge you to write out your "favorites." So...what are they? Share some!

E is for ELEGANT

The past few days here in the Grinstead household have been everything but elegant. Our son has had a cold and double ear infection, borderline pneumonia. Our daughter has had a sinus infection, UTI, and a double ear infection. On top of that, mommy has had zero energy and not feeling 100% like herself. If you would have come to our door at any moment this week, you would come in to a house with unmade beds, dishes piled in the sink, toys everywhere, floors not vacuumed, a mom in her pj's still at 1:00 in the afternoon, two kids not dressed, and cartoons or movies playing continuously. I have wiped snot after snot after snot. I have changed several poopy diapers due to lovely antibiotics. I have watched my little girl in pain going potty. I have felt like a pharmacist, giving out meds after meds. I have looked in the mirror this week wondering where my energy and beauty is. I have broken up fights between our kids. I have put in DVD after DVD just for some moments of peace around here.

What is the definition of Elegance?

el·e·gance

noun

noun: elegance; plural noun: elegances

1.

the quality of being graceful and stylish in appearance or manner; style.

 

2.

the quality of being pleasingly ingenious and simple; neatness.

 

According to this definition, our household has not been up to par. However, I think this is the world's definition. I also believe this is something that we as moms or even dads put on ourselves. The myth that we have to use our best china, have perfect vacuum lines in the carpet, the toilets sparkling clean, each toy in its designated spot, beds made, supper on the table at 5:00 each night, our kids dressed in nothing but the best, and having time and energy to take your spouse in the bedroom for some hanky panky every single night for hours has put so much pressure on moms and dads to be perfect. Truth is....no mom, no dad, no wife, no husband is perfect. We have those days or even weeks when life is anything but elegant. Anything but "graceful and stylish." 

Tonight, as I was throwing away our paper plates from supper, and as I glanced over and saw my husband and my freshly bathed children cuddling on the couch watching 101 Dalmatians...I realized something. My life IS elegant. My life IS perfect. Our mouths are fed, there's a roof over our heads, we have clothes on our backs, our needs are met, my husband and I love each other, and our children are so loved. To me, that is as elegant and perfect as you can get. My children don't care that we had waffles for supper because it is quick and easy. My children don't care that there mommy is still in her pj's at 1:00 in the afternoon, without makeup on. My children don't care if the floors haven't been vacuumed in a few days. My children don't care if last night's dishes are still in the sink the next night. They do care about seeing mommy and daddy kiss. They do care about having time for them. They do care that their belly's are full. They do care that they feel loved. They do care about our home being full of love and not strife. So, in my eyes, this week has been everything BUT elegant and perfect. But, through my children's eyes, this weeks has been perfect. If only I could view life through the eyes of my children more often than I view life through the eyes of the world. I learned tonight that my life is perfect. I learned tonight that life sometimes gets messy (literally). Tonight I learned that my children just simply desire a mommy and a house full of love. Parents...those dishes, unmade beds, messy floors, dirty laundry, and nasty floors can wait. Those are the things that make like imperfect. Look around you....your life truly is elegant.

 

 

D is for Death

Death has always been very uncomfortable for me even since I was a little girl. As a Christian, I know that death shouldn't be uncomfortable and scary for me, but it is. When someone dies, I always have nightmares or my mind wanders and I feel like they are standing around my bed at night. I do not like funerals, viewings, hospitals, or funeral homes. My greatest fear in life is probably death. Please don't judge. I am a Christian, and I know that I will be Heaven bound when I die. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. But, for some reason, I can't shake my fear of death. As a mom, my fear is that I will die and leave my kids behind. As a daughter, I fear that I will have to bury my parents. As a wife, I fear that my husband will be taken and I will be left to be a single mom. As a granddaughter, I have lost a grandpa and both of my grandmas. We are never guaranteed tomorrow, and that leaves me uncomfortable.

Recently, I lost my grandma. She lived a long life but also suffered from Alzheimer's for several years. In the last two weeks of her life, we literally watched her life fade away. We saw her become more frail and skinny, we watched her slip into a coma, we watched her breathing change, we watched her coloring fade, and eventually watched her take her last breath. That was the first time that I actually witnessed the dying process with my very own eyes. As she got worse the last few days, we prayed and prayed that God would just take her home. It was a very unique feeling for me to pray that prayer. Death makes me scared and uncomfortable, but I was praying that God would take her.

I don't know if I will ever get over the fear of death and dying. I know that fear is not of God. I don't know how to get over this fear I have of death. In a way, I think being fearful of death is ok. Maybe it is supposed to be a wake up call to us. We aren't guaranteed another day, year, month, minute, second. We may be left a widow. We may be left as a single parent. We may be left an "orphan" after burying parents. We may be left as a parent without a child/children. As scary as death may be, I still have hope in the midst of that fear. I have the hope that I will see those loved ones again as long as they have invited Him into their hearts to live forever. As a mom, I want to see my kids again. As a wife, I long to see my husband again. As a daughter, I want to see my parents again. As a sister, I want to see my sister again. I don't think any of us want to die, but I do believe we all want to end up at the same destination.

If you desire that same hope that I have, I pray that you would seek God out and invite him into your life. God is our healer, comforter, great physician, lover, and our Savior. I pray that if you haven't done so before, that you would ask Christ to be your Lord and Savior. Death puts you in the ground. The One living in your heart determines your destination. If you have not asked Him into your life to be your eternal Lord and Savior, and you understand that you are a sinner and that He died for your sin and my sin and rose again, I ask that you sincerely pray this prayer to yourself wherever you may be....

“Dear Lord Jesus,

I know I am a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness. I believe you died for my sins and rose from the dead.  I trust and follow you as my Lord and Savior. Guide my life and help me to do your will.

In your name, amen.”

If you prayed that prayer, and you meant it, that is your way into Heaven when God takes you from the earth at your time. Yes, death may still be scary and uncomfortable, but in the midst of that fear and anxiety, you can have the very same hope I do. 

If you prayed that prayer, would you mind sending me an email? My email address is tugradhc@yahoo.com

I won't embarrass you, I simply want to pray for you as you start your new journey as a Christian. 

Philippians 1:6

 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."

C is for CHURCH: If You Build It, They Will Come

A few weeks ago, I took a survey on Facebook asking what people look for in a church and what they think is important in a church. I had my own answer in my mind, but I didn't post it because I wanted to see if anybody else had the same answer. To my surprise, nobody did. Here are some responses I got...

 "From our experience growing up, kids from a broken home need just as much acceptance as anyone! 

 Sometimes the kids get the bad end of the deal when they need love and acceptance more than ever."

 "More grace and real love. Less judgement and religion."

 " Love, compassion, and feeling welcomed. Oh and some church's have way too many clicks. It feels like you are in school again."

 " Seminars on grief, stop smoking, healthy eating, how to be a care giver, more love and compassion."

  "I look for a church family I want to feel like I am cared for and loved."

  "I like a smaller church where the pastor connects with all of the people of the church not just a few. There is also more freedom to truly worship God, not so tied to a program."

 "Passion! We look for people that love Jesus!"

For the past year or so, I have really been thinking about what I think is important in a church. We attended a church for over a year when we lived in Indy, and the focus every Sunday was bring someone new, invite your neighbor, invite your coworker, we need to grow, grow, grow, grow. We want to fill every seat in all services, we need to increase our attendance so our money resources can grow as well. This church was already thousands (approx. 1,000+ every service). We attended, we got involved, but in that whole year and a half that we attended there, the pastor never knew us. He was an awesome preacher, but we were simply just a number. We were just people that came and listened to his message and left. Am I saying that growth in the church is bad? Absolutely not. Am I saying that it is the pastor's job to come hunt you down and meet you and learn more about you? Absolutely not. What I am saying is....make an effort. I wrote emails, and made phone calls. Never once were they returned. After a while we both began to get discouraged and upset. I then began thinking....if we had an awful crisis, who would we call? (besides family) Our pastor didn't even know us, so we wouldn't be able to call him. It left me almost in a state of panic. If we had a tragedy in our lives during that time, I honestly didn't know who we would call. I am not saying that it is the pastor's job to visit everyone that is in the hospital, or go to everyone's home that needs prayer, or go comfort everyone who has had a tragedy come up in their lives? No, but I think that there should be a person (or persons for larger congregations) that are put in that place to serve the people of the church.

That leads me to my opinion of what a church should be. I believe that a church should take care of its people. The church is not a building. The church is made up of believers that love God and love each other, that want to be unified to serve God together. If the church is the people, then the church needs to be cared for, loved on, and prayed for. Is it the pastor's job to take care of everybody? NO! The pastor has many responsibilities already, and the pastor does many many many things behind the scenes that most don't even know about. But, why not appoint someone to be in charge of congregational care? One, it will take a lot of stress off of the pastor and two, if that person has such a passion for taking care of the congregation, then God will use them in such amazing ways in the lives of the church. 

My parents recently went through the loss of my grandma. They were the caregivers for my grandma (who suffered from Alzheimer's) for eight years. The last two weeks of her life, I watched as my parents sat by her bed hour after hour, day after day, waiting to watch her last breath. In those weeks, they were alone in all this. No phone calls, no meals, no cards of encouragement, nobody to come and pray with them. Sure, God is always with us and God always hears our earnest cries, but where was the church??? I have heard story after story from others about tragedy striking their lives, but nobody walking beside them. WHERE IN THE WORLD IS THE CHURCH???? When tragedy and heartbreak come, who is going to step up and walk beside those people? When a new baby is born, who will take them meals? When someone is having surgery, who will go pray with them before the doctor takes them back? The Pastor?? No. We as a church need to step up, and walk beside the hurting and the needy. If you don't have someone designated to the congregational care, why don't you pray about stepping up to that leadership role? We as Christians need each other. Pastors, growth is good, but when your sheep start slipping through the cracks, it is time to re-evaluate and make some changes. Make efforts to know, love, and learn about your sheep.

Think about and pray about if God would have you be that leader in your church. What does that look like? Maybe it will be calling/texting people to provide meals for a family who just had a baby. Maybe it is going and praying with that one who is going in for surgery. Maybe it is going and sitting with a caregiver and just be there for company. Maybe it is organizing something special for your Pastor for Pastor appreciation month. Maybe it is organizing a couples retreat for the couples in your church. Maybe it is just simply to pray for the people. Think about it. Pray about it. Then step up and take care of your fellow believers.

What do I want and look for in a church? .....people that love God and love each other. God calls us to love as He has loved. I want to know that if I had a life changing event in my life, I know who I would call. Let's take care of one another!

Church: If you build it....they will come.

B is for Bothersomes

Each and every one of us have things that bother us, annoy us, tick us off, etc. Sometimes we can't explain why those things bother us, because sometimes they are just down right silly. But, we all have them my husband says my list of "bothersomes" is longer than the normal person. :) So here it goes.....my "bothersomes."

1. Hearing people chew
2. Hearing people crunch ice (but, I am an ice cruncher and it doesn't bother me to hear myself chew :))
3. When people crunch water bottles. It sends some kind of angry current through my body. LOL
4. Puke ( I have a phobia of throwing up, people throwing up around me, the sound of it, etc)
5. Cereal. (my hubby can vouch for this one) There is something about cereal. Something about the clanging spoon on the bowl, or the disgusting soggy look of the cereal sitting in milk, or the smell. Oh, and when people drink the milk from the cereal, I nearly throw up. 
6. Scraping on a chalkboard or hearing silverware scratch up against a stainless steel sink.
7. When people cuss 
8. Loud bass in cars
9. When people talk on their cell phones in the checkout line when it is their turn. It's rude.
10. When moms judge other moms or criticize each other. We are supposed to be in this thing called life together!!!
11. Selfies. If you are over the age of 12....selfies are not acceptable. :)
12. When people smoke in the car with children.
13. The smell of peanut butter.
14. Talking on the phone. I would much rather text. :)
15. Auto Correct
16. When my husband takes everything out of boxes. 

I am sure my list could go on and on and on, but you are probably already reading this thinking about what an awful and snotty person I am. I promise I am not. If you happen to do any of these things around me, I will forgive you. What are your bothersomes? I guarantee if you start making a list of yours, your list will be long as well. So, what ARE your bothersomes???? Would love to hear.

A is for ADOPTION

Today, on the first day of the A to Z challenge, the letter is A. I couldn't think of a better topic for the letter A than a topic that we are so passionate about. Over the past couple years, we have hear all sorts of questions and comments. Ones like.....

"Why didn't you have your own kids?"

or

"Those kids of yours are so blessed!"

or

"How much did they cost?"

or 

"You know, after you adopt, you are gonna get pregnant."

or 

"What happened to their real mom?"

or

"Are you worried what kind of problems they are gonna have as they grow up?"

or

"At least you didn't have to go through hours of pushing and being uncomfortable for 9 months. All you had to do was pick them up!"

or how about

"I don't get how anyone could just give up a baby."

People do mean well, I will give them that. However, these are things that a lot if not all adoptive parents cringe at hearing. So, let me just clear them up real quick....

1. Why didn't we have our own kids?? Adoption has been something that we always talked about doing in our lives. It was never a "plan B" for us. Plus, our kids ARE OUR OWN!!!

2. Our kids are so blessed!.....WE are the ones who are so blessed. God picked me and Will to parent these babies. There are so many days where I look at their cute little faces and wonder what I ever did to deserve them. A lot of days I feel unworthy to be a mommy. But, God chose us and for that, I am so very thankful. Lina'e and Kagon teach us to love life. Therefore, we are the blessed ones.

3. How much did our kids cost? You cannot put a price on a child and the blessings that they bring into your lives. End of story. 

4. You are gonna get pregnant after we adopt!....Um....still waiting on that. Some days, I ache to carry a child in my womb. To experience a baby's first kick or their hiccups or to hear their heartbeat. So no, that isn't how it works. 

5. What happened to their real mom? Am I invisible? Can you not see me? I am their real mom. Yes, I know what you mean when you ask that, but maybe use better words.

6. Are we worried what kind of problems they will have as they grow up? I don't know, are you worried about the problems your children will have as they grow up? As a parent, the future of your child is always unknown. Yes, my children went through some rough things in the womb but when we started praying for children, we vowed to love every single part of them, their best and their worst, their accomplishments and their struggles. So no, we are not worried.  

7. At least you didn't go through hard labor and pushing and being uncomfortable for 9 months. All you had to do was pick them up!....No, I didn't carry them for 9 months. And no, I didn't go through hard labor for hours. BUT, we waited years to have children. We prayed prayer after prayer that God would bring children into our lives. We went through homestudy's, fingerprinting, background checks, and court hearings. Little do you know, that comment is so hurtful. And yes, we did pick them up. But we experienced watching a birth mother cry as she handed her child over. We watched our son go through weeks of withdrawals, crying an uncontrollable cry that you cannot do anything about. We had to learn the ins and outs of a heart monitor and oxygen for our little girl. So yes, we picked them up. But we didn't JUST pick them up.

8. I don't know how anybody could just give up a baby.....My babies were not given up. Their birth mothers acknowledged that they could not provide the life that they thought their baby deserved, so they allowed someone else to step in and love those babies and promise them the best life possible. The decisions that our birth mothers made were simply selfless. We have our differences, but we will always be grateful for them and the blessings they put in our life.


So there ya have it. The life of Adoption. What a roller coaster of a journey, but the end of that journey is worth it. We are so blessed beyond measure!